day one

we did so much in such a short amount of time, thanks to the planning of my amazing tour guides. i arrived on tuesday. after my 5 hour flight, i was excited but not completely prepared for the rate at which we would begin our sight-seeing. i should have guessed by the itinerary in my hand that i would hit the ground running:


J&J Tours-

Tuesday, May 1
LCC to sign up for summer school

Alison arrives @ 12:25

Lunch – L& L
North Shore – Dole (Entertainment Book), Shave Ice, Turtle Beach
Stay & Hang out at Aunty Paula's Beach House

Jenny Sleeping over


i had scarcely been at jodi's house for 5 minutes when we left to go to lunch. even though i had eaten on the plane, i was already hungry again. i didn't realize that would be just the beginning of all the food i would be encouraged to eat during my stay. =) my first plate lunch complete with chicken, macaroni salad and rice was very yummy after travelling.


our next stop was dole. more food! we saw pineapples, and julianne & i discovered that they didn't grow on palm trees. we ate pineapple whip, which was almost like ice-cream, without any dairy though. simply delicious!

our next stop was the beach to look for turtles. while none came on the beach, we saw some swimming. i was reminded of one of my favorite places in the whole world: the beach! i couldn't help but go in the water.

next stop: shave ice. i tried strawberry & cream and vanilla. very yummy!

we ate dinner at jodi's aunty's beach house. more food to try! i liked the octopus, but wasn't very hungry after all the other food we'd eaten that day. we got to watch the sunset, which was one of the most beautiful things i have ever witnessed. it felt like it shouldn't be real, but i knew that it was. i kept praying in my head, thanking God for being the creator of so much beauty. i got to meet some of jodi's family and we roasted smores outside, before we headed back to jodi's house. i think the exhaustion of the past few weeks finally caught up to me on the drive back. my room-mates were convinced i was having a nervous breakdown, but i promise i was just over-tired. it didn't take me long to regain control of my emotions and fall asleep almost instantly upon arriving at jodi's house and being introduced to my bed. after all, it was already after midnight, my time! and tomorrow would be just as busy...

hawaii

hawaii was wonderful. i loved being surrounded by reminders of God's creative powers. things i had only seen as a replica of the real thing were right in front of me. i felt like i was taught so much, not just by the locals i was with, but by God about myself and how to trust him.

my room-mates were simply splendid. not only did they open their homes and play tour guide for julianne and i, but they spent hours planning to make our visit the best it could be. j & j tours was ono! (i think that means "the best" and if it doesn't, that is what i am trying to say...)

i'm up

i am rather nervous. today is my first day of work, even if it is only training, making it much shorter than other work days. i know some of my friends have had real jobs already, and they've handled it just fine. i'm sure i'll be fine. yet, there's still the sheer nervousness in the pit of my stomach. i know its only because i haven't done anything like this before. i've never had to act like a grown-up quite so much as now. i'm not sure i like being up.

whirlwind

hawaii. i was there. it hardly seems possible that i could have just spent over a week there. the last few weeks have felt like a whirlwind, with hardly any time to process the many emotions that have been filling my heart.

a busy last week of classes full of tests, assignments and preparing for the end.

finals week. trying to study and spend time with my dear friends.

check-out. cleaning, late nights, saying good-bye, packing up and trying not to cry.

flying out to hawaii after barely being home.

spending a packed week of playing tourist with my room-mates. being happy, frustrated, tired and blessed.

coming home and getting interviewed for a job. the job that i really wanted, but now that i have it, i feel jittery and nervous.

the past few weeks i haven't even had the time to type out a few sentences and now that i am here, sitting in front of the computer, and all my thoughts, everything i so wanted to get out seems to have disappeared. is it possible to feel so much yet have nothing to say? tonight, that is all i have. tomorrow, perhaps i can be more profound. maybe i'll be able to write about the sadness that fills my heart when i think of those i've said good-bye to. maybe i'll be able to express the some of the conflict in my heart that i discovered in hawaii. maybe i'll be able to...tomorrow.

life means so much.

i'm heading out. after a crazy week of finals and check-outs, feeling like i barely have time to breath, much less enjoy my last moments of the semester, i'm flying over the ocean to a sunny paradise my friends call home.

as i think about the days ahead, i am excited. i get to go to hawaii.

then i hear things like "friends" by michael w. smith on the radio. the song is a bit sappy, but today it made me cry because of how much i love the friends God gave me this year.

help me enjoy these moments, jesus. i want to appropriately grieve the end of the precious time you've given me, but not ruin the gift of the next 9 days with my room-mates. it feels right to be sad, but i don't want to linger more than i should. teach me to count the days. teach me to make the days count. thank you that life means so much.

warm and fuzzies

i am sitting here, waiting for my next check-out time, since i got done early with the last ones. i'm listening to brooke fraser and feeling too tired and drained even to cry.

last night was a different story though. after check-outs and dinner with jenny, i made popcorn bars and went to bed...for an hour before it was time for our lastest staff meeting. i drove over with amanda, with her computer (complete with staff video!) and the popcorn bars on my lap. we wrote "warm and fuzzies" (according to benson, who apparently loves "warm and fuzzies") to each other on paper supplied by martha. we watched the video amanda made of our staff this year, which made me laugh more than anything else, complete with so many wonderful memories. we also presented martha with the picture frame with all of our "senior" pictures surrounding our group picture. she loved it. she wrote us all special notes on paper hearts that matched our bibles, saying "love beyond words." amanda gave the boys pillowcases, specific to each of them. bryan got a musical notes case and john "you awkward awkward man you..." got his covered with computer keys. benson of course had his favorite team, arizona. scotty got black kitty jokes. tj and kevin both got food related pillowcases-fast food for tj and tea for kevin. then the girls were given reversible aprons, made by amanda also. mine is covered with nurses, and is completely adorable, with pockets even! by then, it felt like time for bed, so some hugs and few good-byes later, bryan, kevin, john and i squished into the back of amanda's car, with stacey in the front with amanda, laughing together as we went over the speed bump. as i walked up the stairs to apt. #9 and sat on the couch, reading all my "warm and fuzzies" i couldn't help but cry a little. i am so blessed to know these people.

to wake up this morning and not be alone in the apartment was just what i needed. having jenny still here has been an extra blessing. last night after dinner she looked at staff pictures with me, and it felt happy to have her share a little part of what has been such a huge aspect of this year for me. i am glad she's here for a few more hours.

my friends are getting ready to graduate right now. there is no more wondering if this is the end. it is really feeling like it, and i'm not liking it too much. how i am going to miss them...

a picture is worth a thousand words

i feel like there is so much i want to say, but as i looked at pictures today, i realized that it was all here. as i look at the visual representation of so many memories, i want to laugh and cry. but most of all, i just want to thank him for giving me this time.

last walkabout dinner tonight...its hard to believe that we only became friends eight months ago. i love laughing with these people. my favorite was hearing bryan talk about the shark eating his fanny pack. "it saved my life."




seeing staff friends today made me so thankful for the time we've had...


(this was at the dance...we're demonstrating the super-hero inside of us)

prayer

this is such a hard week. so many tests, papers, assignments to finish. families are here, or will be soon for check-out and graduation for some of my friends. stress levels are high and little sleep seems to be a given. even though i am going through much of this, i wish i could help to take this hard part away from my friends. watching them struggle is so difficult and makes me wish that i could do something.

for some reason, i don't feel like praying is always doing "something." why is that? do i just not have faith that my prayers could actually make a difference? lord, help my unbelief.

when i tell people that i am praying for them, i make it a priority to really mean it. i don't just say the words, but i really do pray for them. these people are so precious to me:my family both here and at home. do they know that when i say i am praying for them that i really mean it? that i am doing all that i can to help them? that i know they are hurting and want to help them? i hope so...

lord, be the sustainer of these people who mean so much to me. give them your grace to make it through these days. be their strength and help them to grow because of the struggle. please bless them and encourage them.

dependence

yesterday when we tracing the silhouettes for martha, it was impossible to create the work of art on our own. i was thinking today about the teamwork involved not only yesterday but this year. scott had to help me hold my arm up, while cherie traced. i've had to ask for help this week from my team. i've had to ask questions and ask for help even though speaking up isn't always my favorite thing to do. i've had to let people know when i am hurting.
dependence on each other can be so scary and vulnerable, but it is so needed. i think that has been one of the best lessons of the year for me. it is also one of the reasons i am feeling so reluctant to end this semester.

teary-eyed already

last night was the dance. fancy-schmancy and super fun. more on that later...

tonight was the last collective res. life activity: dinner at calamity jane's. and even now tears are filling my eyes, but nothing is spilling over. i'm sure that will come soon enough.

we wore our staffie sweatshirts in the nice sunny weather. we ate burgers and drank think, rich shakes (some of us more than others...) we laughed. we watched the staff video. bryan got called adopted by jocelyn...haha. "bryan has a dot on him." benson laughed at jocelyn snorting. i can still see him curled over laughing, which was utterly contagious. i held amanda's hand. we presented martha with her silhouette poster and made her tear-up. we car-pooled, including kevin, "the avid car-pooler."

does the end have to be already?

i am almost glad for check-outs and tests. as awful as they are, they make the end a bit more bearable by making me long for the end to come...even a little.

i don't feel ready. our dinner ended too quickly. our time together is almost over. like amanda, i think i'm beginning to freak out just a little.