sand

we had initiation/torch passing for the new apt. staff last night. i knew it would make me a little sad to have a visible reminder that i wouldn't be apart of things next year, but it was a lot sad. i held it in until the woolman parking lot. i do have to say that it was hard to be sad when chris savage was giving us disneyland rides on the way home. i squeaked alot. =)
but then i walked becca home, and put words to my melancholy.
i told her that i feel like i'm holding sand in my hand. when i clutch it tight, it keeps spilling through my fingers. when i open it up to look, there is still some left, just not as much as before.
i also feel like i'm digging my heels into the ground. but its kind of muddy & jacob is tugging on my hands with J pushing me from behind. i can't help but be taken in that direction, even though i don't want to go.
i know i want to graduate. i really do want to be done with school. but i love these people so much and it hurts my heart to think about it coming to an end.
so if i don't blog much in the days leading up to graduation or even after, it could be because i am studying, because there are quite a few tests still to pass before i am a nurse. but it could also be because i am loving on some of my favorite people before we have to say good-bye. that's been the case the last few weeks, and i'm guessing that won't be changing until after may 2...