Saturday, July 31, 2010


it almost feels like it has been months since i flew out to PBU and got offered the resident director position. but really that has only been a month. it also seems like ages ago that i had my last day of work. but no, it has only been two weeks.

people keep asking if i have settled in, how i am feeling, how i am adjusting...and the truth is that sometimes it feels like reality and other moments i feel as though i am going to wake up from this dream. and not that it is a bad dream! i still can't quite believe that i am here!
but here i am. i live in pennsylvania. weird. but good.

two weeks ago i had my last day of work. i packed up all my stuff. i said good bye to friends and even cried a little. then i set out on a great cross-country road trip with my mom. i couldn't have asked for a better travel buddy. someone who knows me well, can sing along with the tunes, let me have car naps and put up with all my silliness to boot! we did discover some things on the journey though:
-toll roads are a terrible idea. lots of states seem to have functioning roads without them. it seems like alot of unnecessary stopping. and annoying to have to give away all your cash just to drive through a state...or several. but using different voices when paying tolls makes it almost worth it. almost. but not quite.
-the debate isn't really about a chicken or an egg. it is about the grape and the grapefruit. =)
-if ever suffering a small appetite at a bed and breakfast, it is best to bring your own zip-lock-bags for a quick food stash, so as not to hurt any feelings.
-cows are great!
-if you want to be prepared, it would be advisable to bring glasses that see through clouds in the event of fog at mt. rushmore. otherwise, you may be forced to take photos will a pop machine with the 4 presidents' likeness instead.
-if making up a motto, keep it simple. three words is best. with a period after each, such as: believe. achieve. succeed.
-we live in a beautiful country. it was a blessing to see more of it!

we arrived to PBU a week ago today. even that seems like a while ago. it was so good to get to explore philly with my mom who also was experiencing it for the first time. such a beautiful, historic city!

and then to start work. what a great job i have-complete with fun, caring people, an office of my own, business cards, a brand new phone, dinner invitations, painting parties (as in painting walls, not murals) and new friends. most of my belongings haven't arrived yet, so it is hard to feel very settled when my furniture consists of an air mattress and a cooler. but in spite of that, it has been a good first week. God has filled what could have been lonely moments with new friends. God has blessed me with the hope of the year ahead as i got to contact my RAs for the coming year and continue to dream. God has placed me in a beautiful city with so many things to see and do at my fingertips.

i am overwhelmed with how far God has brought me in the past few weeks. i am so undeserving of how he has blessed me. my faith was so small during the waiting time, yet God answered my prayers. i complained at how slow the process was, but he continues to show me how perfect his timing is. as i grieved about leaving people i love behind, he already had people in place to love me here.

praise God from whom all blessings flow. praise Him all creatures here below. praise Him above ye heavenly hosts. praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.

ps. pictures are coming soon, i promise.

Friday, July 16, 2010

a dangerous business

today the movers have come to take away all my belongings that aren't riding out with jordan (my car), my mom and me. i know that i've been making steps the past two weeks to leave for PA: calling my utilities, having my last work day, packing and cleaning...but now that all my stuff is being packed up and taken away, i know there is no turning back. my course is set on this adventure. and you know what? before a few months ago, i would have been terrified at the thought of leaving everyone i know. i would have thought you were crazy if you had told me i would move to the east coast. i would have never believed that i would ever be anything but a nurse.

but its not a few months ago. God has worked in my heart and shown me the next step i am to take. and yes, it is a pretty big one. but surprisingly, i'm not scared. i feel peace and hope and excitement for what God is going to do.

the past few days as i've packed and cleaned (a loathsome task to be sure), i kept hearing frodo's voice in my head, talking to sam as they were starting out on their own big adventure:

“remember what Bilbo used to say: it's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. you step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”
J.R.R. Tolkien

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

the one i've always wanted

i recently watched "stranger than fiction" with my friend, molly. although i had seen it before, i connected with something in a particular scene of the movie.
the whole premise of the film is that an IRS agent starts hearing a voice narrating his life. when the voice mentions his imminent death, harold has to find out if he has any control over the story or if the narrator is going to kill him. during this search, he seeks the help of professor hilbert, a professor of literature.

Jules Hilbert: You were right. This narrator might very well kill you. So I humbly suggest that you just forget all this and go live your life.

Harold Crick: Go live my life? I am living my life. I'd like to continue to live my life.

Jules Hilbert: I know. Of course. I mean all of it. However long you have left. You know, I mean, Howard,you could use it to have an adventure. You know, invent something, or just finish reading Crime and Punishment. Hell, Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.

Harold Crick: What's wrong with you? Hey. I don't wanna eat nothing but pancakes. I wanna live. Who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?

Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you'd pause to think. I believe you'd realize that that answer's inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led and, of course,the quality of the pancakes.

Harold Crick: You don't understand. What I'm saying.

Jules Hilbert: Yes, I do.

Harold Crick: But you have to understand that this isn't a philosophy or a literary theory or a story to me. It's my life.
Jules Hilbert:Absolutely. So just go make it the one you've always wanted.

as soon as i heard that last line, i knew that was how i felt. as cheesy as it sounds, i feel like with this move to PA and my new job, i get to have the life i've always wanted.

don't get me wrong. i am really going to miss my family and friends enormously. i hate that i am going to be so far away. my heart hurts when i think about it.
i am also very thankful for my nursing experience and how God has stretched and grown me through it all.
but i am also very grateful that i get to have the chance to have "the one i've always wanted." i am so excited to get to be a resident director.