Wednesday, July 30, 2008

berries + baseball

a few things the past days have reminded me of-
i love berries.
especially sun-ripened blueberries.
i really like playing baseball with my family.
i get my involuntary shrieking from the Louise for who i am named, my dear gramma. =)
and i throw like a girl.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

the ache

kyle is an ocean away.
grampa bill and gramma weezie left today.
i go back to school in a week and a half.

no matter where i am,
no matter how content i am in where God has placed me,
the small ache never completely goes away.

the only explanation i have is that this isn't the way its supposed to be.
but thankfully,
it won't always be this way either.
i won't always feel a little bit torn.
i won't always being saying good-bye.

i feel ready for heaven.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

and so it goes

the trust lesson continues-

today as i read matthew 6 i was especially struck by the last portion of the chapter, where we are instructed not to worry.
after reading about the impossibility of trying to serve God and any other master, we are given a "therefore."
after we decide to let God be our master, we have to let him be our master. sounds simple enough, right?
unfortunately, i seem to want to be master over my life more often than i would like to admit.

what a wonder that God does not merely provide for our needs. he cares for things that don't serve a purpose much beyond looking beautiful, like flowers, as if to prove how much he cares for us.

and he even gives us something to occupy our energy instead of worrying.
"but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." v. 33
i have better things to think about than how to help God in the direction my life should go.
and when i put my mind to living for his glory instead of my own way, God blesses me.
yet i have such a time remembering that!
and i know God is quite aware of that fact, as he shows me again and again how much he wants me to simply trust him.

that's what he's asking me to do right now.
he couldn't make it any more obvious.
alright. i think i'm getting it.

"give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." -matthew 6:34, the message

Saturday, July 26, 2008

the fair and fancy food

farm animals
fancy food
alright, i'm done with all my alliterations with the letter 'f' =)
today we journeyed to the mason county fair, which had free admission in honor of its 100th anniversary! quite exciting! i enjoyed my first horse drawn carriage ride since christmas, but this one was missing the freezing rain and shivering.
and for dinner we had delicious seafood!
the day ended with board games and lots of laughter. i love my family heaps.

and again

i think God is trying to tell me something.

found in my devotions for today-

"dear Lord,
you have made waiting beautiful and patience divine.
you have taught us that your will should be accepted, simply because it is your will.
you have revealed to us that a person may see nothing but sorrow in his cup yet still be willing to drink it because of a conviction that your eyes see further than his own."
-george matheson

Thursday, July 24, 2008

waiting confirmed

i keep anticipating a new lesson in my devotions.
maybe today God will reveal something else to me.
something else besides waiting and trusting.
but the lesson i keep being reminded of is to wait and trust.
and today was no exception.

"we should not only understand the importance of our waiting on God, but also realize something even more wonderful-
the Lord waits on us.
and the very though of his waiting on us will give us renewed motivation and inspiration to "wait for him." It will also provide inexpressible confidence that our waiting will never be in vain. therefore, in the spirit of waiting on God, let's seek to discover exactly what it means right now.

the Lord has an inconceivably glorious purpose for each of his children. "if this is true" you ask, "why is it that he continues to wait longer and longer to offer his grace and to provide the help i seek, even after i have come and waited on him?" he does so because he is a wise gardner who "waits for the land to yield its valuable crop" and is "patient...for the autumn and spring rain" (james 4:7). God knows he cannot gather the fruit until it is ripe, and he knows precisely when we are spiritually ready to receive blessings for our gain and his glory.
and waiting in the sunshine of his love is what will ripen our soul for his blessings. also, waiting under the cloud of trials is as important, for they will ultimately produce showers of blessings.

rest assured that if God waits longer than we desire, it is simply to make the blessings doubly precious. remember, he waited four thousand years, "but when the time had fully come, God sent his son" (gal. 4:4).
our time is in his hands and he will quickly avenge those he has chosen, swiftly coming to our support without ever delaying even one hour too long." -andrew murray, streams in the desert

Sunday, July 20, 2008

just bad science

today in sunday school, we studied God as creator.
one thing that i thought was quite interesting is the complete title of charles darwin's work outlining evolution. although the "origin of species" is still given significant classroom time in science classes all around the country, i wonder if it would be given the same consideration if it were to be combined with darwin's racist views that are reflected in the title: "on the origin of species by means of natural selection OR on the preservation of favored races in the struggle for life."
seriously. putting aside all arguments for God as our creator, the second law of thermodynamics, the lack of any fossils reflecting the evolutionary process, i find it hard to take the works of this man as truth. he outlines his belief that whites developed over blacks as superior, as implied by the title. if he holds the white race as highly superior over any other race and considers this as fact along with his other presented theories, can his work really be considered as truth?
as mark driscoll said in the teaching today, it is "biased and just bad science."

i think what the creation v. evolution debate really comes down to isn't whether God is our creator or not.
what it really comes down to is what God as our creator implies for our lives.
it means that we are not free to do whatever we want.
it means we were placed on this earth with a purpose.
we are responsible for our actions.
we are held accountable for them to God himself.
to accept the truth that we were created, means that we must worship our creator.
as was said today, the question is never "will we worship?"
we're all worshippers.
the question is "who will we worship?"

"they exchanged the truth about God for the lie,
and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. amen." -romans 1:25

what i like

i like baseball.
i like sunny afternoons.
and i really like my family.

Friday, July 18, 2008

the dark knight

last night or rather early this morning, i went to my first midnight showing. molly had been bugging me to go with her to one since last summer, so it was finally time. we saw the dark knight, which truly was dark. and very intense. my hands fell asleep because i kept them frozen in the same position for so long as i nervously awaited the joker's next evil deed. at least there was no fear of falling asleep, although the movie was over 2 and 1/2 hours long!
i did enjoy this film. it was mesmerizing and thought-provoking, but very sinister. the elements of good almost seemed overshadowed by the portrayal of evil. while batman nobly makes sacrifices and does what is right, it is hard to shake the presence of vicious cruelty in the form of the joker.
and aside from that, clowns still bother me a little and this movie was filled with scenes featuring either the joker or his henchmen. =)


last night i got to have a small adventure with my soon-to-be room-mate.

our evening included:
country music
you would.
exploring olympia
peaking into shops
caramel frappuccinos
that's your favorite too?
making plans for next year
i think we need a gnome. i'm not sure what his name will be, but i'll know it when i see him.
tripod pictures
the sunset
beautiful views of our capital city
grandma stories
would you like me to hold the kidneys?
playing five crowns
winning five crowns in a glorious bout of luck
"engaging" with molly's parents =)
sleepy talk
sharing a bed

i can't help but think that as cheesy at it sounds, this is only the beginning. =) i can hardly wait for next year with this fun, encouraging, sweet dear girl.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

faith indeed

"trusting even when it appears you have been forsaken;
praying when it seems your words are simply entering a vast expanse where no one hears and no voice answers;
believing that God's love is complete and that he is aware of your circumstances, even when your world seems to grind on as if setting its own direction and not caring for life or moving one inch in response to your petitions;
desiring only what God's hands have planned for you;
waiting patiently while seemingly starving to death, with your only fear being that your faith might fail-
"this is the victory that has overcome the world";
this is genuine faith indeed."
-george macdonald

i'm pretty sure i would ruin my life if i tried to run it. i'm glad i'm not God.
but that doesn't mean that i like waiting.
and it certainly doesn't mean that trusting isn't one of the hardest lessons to learn.
because it is.
i'm clinging onto the familiar.
i hold tightly to my dreams.
my faith is small.

yet, this is my prayer:

so take me as you find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
i give my life to follow
everything i believe in
now i surrender
-mighty to save, hillsong

Sunday, July 13, 2008


we're told not to be needy in relationships right?
for me, needy seems to bring words like
to my mind.
none of which i want to be.

but what if we're supposed to be needy?
what if we recognized our weaknesses and looked for others to fill them?
what if we recognized that we needed someone else?
instead of looking for the perfect someone who brings at least as many benefits to the relationship as our own laundry list...
what if we looked for an imperfect someone to help us make it through the hard times, someone we needed and who needed us...
but for that to happen we have to give up some independence. we have to be willing to vulnerable. we have to be willing to need someone else.

these two articles got me to start thinking about how i approach relationships, and the impact our culture has had on my ideas about marriage and relationships:
so if you want to read what inspired me to think about these things, here you go-
looking for love like a peasant
when to settle

and maybe someday, i'll be able to sing along with stevie wonder:
"for once in my life, i have someone who needs me..." =)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

not long now

today i was reminded that i don't have much left of my summer at home. its only a month from today that i have to go back to school. even though i don't have to begin my academic life for a few weeks after getting back, i am still returning in a month.

a year ago today, i realized this same truth.
and my sentiments are pretty much the same. =)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

slow cooker

as brittany and i discussed tonight, waiting is hard.
"its like God wants us to use a slow cooker."
"yeah-but sometimes all i want is fast food!"

yet, it seems that waiting/trusting continue to be the perpetual lesson that God wants to teach. and in more than one area of my life...

in my devotions a few days ago, i read this about waiting:
"for some who pray expecting an answer, it takes a long time to learn that delays of answers are not denials. in fact in the "delayed blessing office," there are deep secrets of love and wisdom that we have never imagined! we tend to want to pick our blessings from the tree while they are still green, yet God wants us to wait until they are fully ripe."
-l. b. cowman, from streams in the desert

jesus, you know it isn't the first time i've asked for help in my unbelief.
i need you to help me to trust.
give me your peace as i wait.
help me to wait until the proper time.

"the revelation awaits an appointed time...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." -habakkuk 2:3

Monday, July 7, 2008


there is something enlightening about seeing someone in their element. sometimes that enlightenment can be negative, as pretenses slip away and a more accurate perception is gained. however, in my case this weekend, i merely received a more full picture of my friend, rob as i visited sedro-woolley, washington. and it was my first road trip in jordan! all in all, it was a good weekend.

a few highlights-

mexican food
getting ammo from sportsman's warehouse
meeting adam, one of the cutest kids ever
worship team practice
pizza at daniel's
walking around town

watching the parade
rob's game of fetch using candy
wild women of woolley
chainsaw carvings
tackle football
suspenders and belt buckles
my up-close and personal encounter with the creek
riding in the back of a pick-up truck to the indian reservation
the official bizarre music station
dinner and apples-to-apples on the trampoline
watching fireworks from the barns
ladybug fireworks

clam chowder
loading up more firearms i ever imagined would ever be in my car at any given time
discovering i like shooting guns, despite my uncertainty leading up to it
sitting at skagit speedway for two hours in the rain
being thankful for carhartts as we sat in the rain
cleaning guns
not liking my first taste of "liquid bread"

cinnamon rolls at the iron skillet
sitting between two breakfasts of cinnamon rolls with mountain dew
the back row of church
hamburgers on the patio
a final amazing text twist game with a score of over 60,000!
heading home

Thursday, July 3, 2008

reprise visit

after a few days without them, the okeys returned for tuesday night-thursday morning before heading for home.
our time with them included:
ice cream
the park
imagine iff
shrimp and scallops
relationship advice (my favorite being "no smores")
shedding with joy
lots of hugs

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

washington beauty

we live in a beautiful state. i really love washington. that was especially confirmed as we walked through the woods, with some of my favorite californian relatives a few days ago. and we even found snow in june!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


sharp minds trapped in failing bodies.
failing minds trapped in failing bodies.
tears that can't be held back.

i think this song captures some of my feelings well.

even when i take an extra minute to listen or hold their hand, i know that their pain doesn't just go away.
i read their charts and catch a glimpse into who these people really are. not what they may look like now. not what their bodies may appear to be. but what was and is important to them-four children and 12 grandchildren, growing up and raising a family in sedro-woolley, owning their own business, fly fishing, a marriage lasting 70 years...

sometimes my job really breaks my heart.