Tuesday, October 30, 2007


today was such a good day-
aside from the early hour that i was awakened from my slumber, i LOVED my day at clinicals today. i got to visit the short-stay portion of the hospital, instead of the med-surg floor.
this meant:
-no drug cards to make the night before
-watching an angiogram (AMAZING!)
-being passed from nurse to nurse: all of whom were exceptionally gracious and willingly to teach me!
-getting to wear comfortable scrubs into surgery
-watching a hysterectomy and bladder reconstruction
-being a little overwhelmed with all i still have to learn
-being encouraged to see how i get to apply what i'm learning
-being excited to be a nurse!

Monday, October 29, 2007

beach therapy

“it’s hard for me to put into words why i like the beach so much. everything about it is renewing for me, almost like therapy...beach therapy” --amy dykens

i certainly enjoyed beach therapy this weekend as i got to journey to the oregon coast with my wonderful staff. despite studying for my pharmocology test during down-time, it was a lovely weekend. i think the best past was that i found myself loving the people i spent my weekend without even noticing when i started loving them.

camp magruder. life stories. snuggling. sand. campfire. sunsets. gluten-free food. karaoke. hugs. dishes with martha. bunk buddies. gluten-free jokes. tillamook factory. the mushroom club. the rope swing. sleeping on shoulders in the car.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

asking for help

i say that i believe that prayer makes all the difference in the world. i read verses like ephesians 6:18, "and pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayer and requests. with this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the lord's people," but i don't think i act like i believe these words are true.
all occasions? i'm ashamed of how few occasions i really do pray.
the last few days, lacey has asked me to pray with her before we start studying, and again today, when we walked over to give shots for the first time, and again later when she wasn't feeling well. she's been such a good reminder for me to ask for his help.

the command is for all occasions-that means everything.

"ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened.
which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? if you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
-matthew 7:7-11

do you have any allergies to chicken, eggs or dairy?

yay! i've given my first shot-and more than that-i feel confident about giving shots now. i got to educate my patients, fill the syringes and administer the influenza vaccine. i was quite nervous with my first patient, but as i did more and more, i became more at ease with this new skill. and i'm so happy that i conquered shots! =) it was also very comforting to do with my professor there, to walk me through any problems, and to do it with lacey! we both got to witness each other's "first shot"-even though, we were supposed to tell the patient, if asked, that we've had "lots of practice" which is true, if not a little misleading...
yay for shots!

Monday, October 22, 2007

a few firsts

today was the first time we had staff meeting in my apartment. it warmed my heart to share my home with my friends for a few hours.

tomorrow i have my first pediatric patient! i'm quite excited, but also exceptionally nervous.

thursday, i'll have my first real practice giving shots! i've volunteered to give flu shots at the health and counseling center.

friday, i leave for my first staff retreat with these people that are quickly creeping into my heart.

i think these firsts will make for an exciting week!

don't you just love new york in the fall?

i wasn't actually in new york, but yesterday i had a truly magical day. lacey and i had planned to spent most of the day studying for our med-surg test that i took today. hoping to offer motivation to our studying, we drove to portland, without a specific destination in mind. we were hoping to find a cozy coffee shop, which seem to be in abundance in portland and hibernate for a few hours.
when lacey learned i'd never been to 23rd avenue, it soon become our residence for the next hours. we stumbled across tea chia te, a tea bar. we both ordered their pumpkin chai. after getting settled at our table near the window, we were served our tea in a clear teapot, sitting atop a clear container, which contained a small tea light, keeping the tea warm. genius! it was especially fun to pour the foamy beverage into the japanese tea cups, wrapping my hands around the entire cup, sipping and studying.

when we started to get hungry, we headed out of the then-crowded shop to find gluten-free food. i felt like i was in a movie. the contrast between the old brick buildings with the fall leaves and sunshine was enchanting. it was lovely to have a friend to share it with.

we ended up at a grocery store at the end of the street, which reminded me of the grocery store in you've got mail. if only there had been a cash only line!

i bought a stuffed baked potato, which was actually cold. although i initially wasn't anticipating a cold potato, it was delicious and made me feel like i was on a picnic as i ate it with a perfectly ripe pear.
when it was getting close to dinner time, we had to head back so lacey could be in time for her room-mate dinner. but study time wasn't over yet! when her dinner was over, we were both in pajamas, ready for our final study session. we went to her mom's apartment where we drank hot tea and ate gluten free chocolate cake. to reward ourselves after studying all day, we watched an episode of house and were even able to apply some of the information relating to cancer we'd been studying!
it was a beautiful day-fall colors, sunshine, conversation and spending it with lacey.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

am i who i seem to be?

we all want to put our best face forward.
the most complimentary angle to be shown.
all of our strengths displayed, but none of our weaknesses.

although i obviously don't expose my most vulnerable areas for just anyone on the internet to browse over, i do hope that this offering of my thoughts is more than me selecting my most clever conclusions to write about. but even in saying that, am i trying to seem spiritual in my concern for any pride and people-pleasing tendencies? i hope not.

i read this article yesterday, which made me question my reasons for blogging. is it all just a performance? does it influence how i interact with jesus? do i perform for him?

the article ends with this phrase:
esse quam videri
to be, rather than to seem.

i truly value authenticity and vulnerability in others, but also myself.
exposing tender areas.
showing true colors.
being rather than seeming.

Friday, October 19, 2007

this season

i don't like to say good-bye.
i don't even like the idea of saying good-bye.

today i wrote a letter to some dear family friends who are moving across the country. these people have been my aunt and uncle since my grade school years. telling them how much i love them in a letter filled me with a myriad of emotions-appreciation and thankfulness for the gift of years and sadness to say good-bye for now.

last night, kyle and i had an event for our area. we invited people to byom (bring your own meat) and we would barbecue it-or more accurately kyle would barbecue it. =) after everyone had left, i sat at the table in kyle's kitchen and felt a little sad as i began to think that the year is a 1/4 done. if the beginning has sped past, how quickly will the end come? i know there's still time before i have to say good-bye to my friends who happen to be seniors all over again, but there isn't much.

i've been reminded the past few days of the reality of seasons. the rains have come and the leaves are falling. only weeks ago, i could wear skirts without my legs freezing. now, i wear an extra layer or two as i walk with jodi to class.
jesus designed the world with seasons-some last a few months, and others years. jesus knows exactly the length of the season we are. the time we receive is a gift. sometimes its hard for me just to be thankful for the blessing of the time i'm given, instead of spending part of the season i'm in wishing for more.

you give and take away
you give and take away.
my heart will choose to say,
lord, blessed be your name.

still, i will say,
lord, blessed be your name.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

lunch time

today i met cherie and katlyn for chapel. afterwards, we started to walk towards the bon, when i felt like i should invite them over to my apartment for lunch. so there we were-the three of us, chopping, talking, eating. we had a delicious meal-one of the best salads i've made in a while, complete with shrimp, tomato, mushrooms, cucumber and carrots. and for dessert, we had hagaan-daas ice cream bars. earlier that day i had gone grocery shopping. now despite the presence of ice cream already in my freezer, i felt jesus telling me to buy them. and they were on sale, besides.
i pulled them out of the freezer for my lunch guests with this remark, "jesus told me to buy these ice cream bars."
hopefully, he'll direct me towards less fattening purchases in the future. =) but i was glad that i had been obedient. it was a blessing to be a blessing...and a blessing to eat delicious bars with friends!

Monday, October 15, 2007

where the heart is

i got to be there.
and now i'm back at school-for a few horrible minutes, i wasn't quite sure i wanted to be back. and then i realized my heart is here too, making it feel quite nice too.

i had the best weekend at home-it started at the train station on wednesday and lasted all the way until sunday afternoon.
some of the things that are still making me smile at the end of a monday:
-hugs. lots of hugs.
-sleeping in.
-playing yahtzee.
-snuggling. concept by paul.
-watching (and quoting) finding nemo.
-having the most hilarious family meeting lead by paul to determine november birthday plans.
-being interviewed by john.
-not feeling grown-up.
-scraping frozen juice boxes.
-being sent back to bed, so peter and paul could serve me breakfast in bed.
-having kitties fall asleep on my lap.
-watching a movie under the stars, bundling up, eating popcorn, roasting marshmallows, laughing.
-taking pictures.
-helping john study.
-playing checkers.
-talking with gramma.
-seeing aunt connie and lorie.
-watching mrs. doubtfire.
-purring kitties.
-playing tic-tac-toe.
-having lizzie hug me at church.
-being at church and seeing my church family.
-playing twister.
-celebrating paul's 1/2 birthday with a yummy tea party.

-having dear friends to come back to.

Monday, October 8, 2007

making room

tonight's staff meeting was a blessing.

after staff reunion last night, i must admit, i wasn't sure that anything could compare to the joy in my heart that came from being around my "family" of last year. but then tonight happened. i soon found myself planning get-togethers in my head, smiling and having that familiar joy in my heart because of THIS group of people. no replacing or forgetting-just my heart making a little more room. how did that happen so fast?

a great view

i was just doing my dishes when i looked out my window to see coffee cottage. it was pointed out last night that i have quite the view of coffee cottage from my window-to which i confessed that i do i spend ALL my time near that window just to look at the neon sign. =)

and amanda just came over for a few minutes before meeting martha. i miss her. lots. but i'm trying to just enjoy these small moments.

and staff meeting is tonight! which feels a little funny after last night, but good. it also is comforting to know that some of the same faces will also be there...

Sunday, October 7, 2007


my apartment is finally quiet after being filled with people i love. i'd forgotten how much i miss them.
God gave me the energy to play hostess-despite the sniffles and tired eyes, i was able to ignore my body's complaints for a few hours and enjoy the blessing of these dear friends.

some of the blessings that i enjoyed the past 24 hours:
-knowing that amanda was in oregon as i drifted off to sleep last night
-going to church with amanda and jodi
-wearing new clothes and my glasses to church
-sitting next to amanda when the pastor asked if scotty was the name of angel
"beam me up, scotty?"
-walking away from winters with amanda at my side
-eating in the bon
-coming home to bryan watching the seahawks' game on my couch, without ever offering any explanation
-having bryan ask me for "any prayer requestos"
-talking with my family while laying on my bed
-having whitney cook in my kitchen
-having kevin call with a british accent to see if we needed anything
-laughing with danielle, amanda and whitney
-eating yummy nachos
-telling stories
-having a purring demonstration by tj
-making tea in the kitchen with tj and cherie
-having scott lie on speaker phone and remembering camp melacoma
-kevin discovering scott's deceit at camp melacoma (WHAT?!?)
-looking at scrapbooks with people who are actually in the pictures being looked at =) oh the memories...
-hugging amanda
-hugging whitney
-hugging danielle
-hugging kevin
-hugging tj
-hugging john
-hugging cherie
-hugging martha
-hugging stephanie
-hugging scott
-hugging stacey
-more laughing
-playing apples-to-apples (scott's fav game d/t its logical nature)
-winning without ever getting a green card-yay for teamwork!
"its a rhombus!" "no-its a quadilateral!" "nerd fight!"
-having my kitchen cleaned by amanda
-having understanding room-mates
-taking our 87th group picture AND posing for it for several minutes before it was actually taken AND imagining along with martha how hilarious it would be for bryan to walk up "he-y!"
-talking in accents with kevin and john
-laughing at john's "nerd" accent

what a night. for some reason, i can't stop smiling.
wait-i may know the reason....

Saturday, October 6, 2007


whenever i don't feel good, i want the rest of the world to match. it doesn't seem right for it to be sunny outside, when i am not feeling sunny.
today is a grey day.
my room-mates and i were planning to go the pumpkin patch, but upon waking up and getting ready, i soon found myself laying on the couch waiting to leave. this uncommon behavior helped me decide that i needed to stay home-that and the idea of tromping through a pumpkin patch sounded exhausting. so while they journeyed to the nearby farm to see the sights, i slept on the couch for three hours.
since then, i've been studying, sniffling and drinking tea.
it has been a strange comfort to glance out the window and see that rain is coming down, the sky is grey and wind is blowing through the trees.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


with only four and a half hours of sleep, lots of nervousness and not much confidence, i went to clinicals early this morning. despite my feelings, God gave me plenty of peace. the nurse and other staff i worked with were more than gracious. my patient was easy to work with, and my assessment went better than i expected. i know that the unknowns will continue to change-new patients, new staff, new skills to work on, but somehow i feel a little better already.
and the nap i got when i came home was completely lovely.

Monday, October 1, 2007


clinicals tomorrow-yikes. i have a real patient with lots of pain d/t a car crash. i'm really nervous-strongly agree. i'm also resigned to the fact that d/t staff meetings and looking up drug information and getting ready for clinicals, i won't get much sleep monday nights.

on a brighter note, staff meeting was tonight. we introduced our co-ra to the group highlighting their strengths. it was nice to have kyle praise me. =) and sarah was our hostess for the evening and she made baked apples for lacey and i. it makes my heart happy when people make gluten-free treats especially for me-especially when they are as delicious as tonight's treats. and i saw lisa on the walk home. we were equally thrilled to meet each other on the sidewalk.

tomorrow will be okay. not only do i have friends going into the unknown with me, but i have people rooting for me.
God, give me strength and calm my rapidly beating heart.


a.a.milne says that if you are out of sorts, then perhaps it is that you are merely feeling a little eleven-o-clockish.

despite sleeping through my alarm and having a mid-term this morning (which i was out the door for in 15 minutes, thanks to jodi for waking me up!) i was having a pleasant morning. perhaps it was the excitment of seeing people i love quite soon. or the new raincoat i'm wearing. or the promised weekend trip to the pumpkin patch. or maybe the freshness of a new month and the realization that fall is here.
i think that i may be feeling october-o-monthish. =)