Wednesday, July 14, 2010

the one i've always wanted

i recently watched "stranger than fiction" with my friend, molly. although i had seen it before, i connected with something in a particular scene of the movie.
the whole premise of the film is that an IRS agent starts hearing a voice narrating his life. when the voice mentions his imminent death, harold has to find out if he has any control over the story or if the narrator is going to kill him. during this search, he seeks the help of professor hilbert, a professor of literature.

Jules Hilbert: You were right. This narrator might very well kill you. So I humbly suggest that you just forget all this and go live your life.

Harold Crick: Go live my life? I am living my life. I'd like to continue to live my life.

Jules Hilbert: I know. Of course. I mean all of it. However long you have left. You know, I mean, Howard,you could use it to have an adventure. You know, invent something, or just finish reading Crime and Punishment. Hell, Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.

Harold Crick: What's wrong with you? Hey. I don't wanna eat nothing but pancakes. I wanna live. Who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?

Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you'd pause to think. I believe you'd realize that that answer's inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led and, of course,the quality of the pancakes.

Harold Crick: You don't understand. What I'm saying.

Jules Hilbert: Yes, I do.

Harold Crick: But you have to understand that this isn't a philosophy or a literary theory or a story to me. It's my life.
Jules Hilbert:Absolutely. So just go make it the one you've always wanted.

as soon as i heard that last line, i knew that was how i felt. as cheesy as it sounds, i feel like with this move to PA and my new job, i get to have the life i've always wanted.

don't get me wrong. i am really going to miss my family and friends enormously. i hate that i am going to be so far away. my heart hurts when i think about it.
i am also very thankful for my nursing experience and how God has stretched and grown me through it all.
but i am also very grateful that i get to have the chance to have "the one i've always wanted." i am so excited to get to be a resident director.