another list

i'm sitting inside my warm apartment, listening to the rain outside and drinking tea. i'm also thinking of the blessing of seeing one of my favorite people this weekend. from friday to saturday afternoon, i got to enjoy the sweet company of my mommy. as i was awaiting her arrival (and sitting in a classroom listening to different test taking strategies...) i made a list of possible activities for her visit. she enthusiastically agreed to every one of my ideas and we took great pleasure in checking each one off.

-grocery shopping (we left fred meyer with a full cart of groceries-i'm stocked! and we found ourselves matching earrings.)
-dinner (we went to yamhill grill)

















-look at scrapbook (after hearing so much about the scrapbook she was making, it was such a treat to finally get to see all of my mommy's hard work.)
-face masks (we tried my new avacado and oatmeal face mask-it smells so good! and honestly, who doesn't want to have a green face once in a while?)

















-cozy movie and popcorn (we split a coconut/chocolate bar over sense and sensibility)
-make gluten-free breakfast (this turned out to be toast with cream-cheese and jam, because we decided to make a delicious lunch. so, we needed to save room. we sauteed garlic, onion and mushrooms, and later added in shrimp and a little lemon juice-to be served over spinach. delicious.)
-lots of hugging =)
-walk (we walked around downtown newberg-quite charming in the fall)
-fun shopping (yay for ross purchases! we both found some new additions to our wardrobes and some stationery)

what a special gift it was to have these hours to spend with one of my dearest friends.

to love

through other people, chapel and even his word, God has been showing me the danger in holding back. being broken is often painful. i don't want people to look at me in my weakness. i don't want to let other people in. won't my heart hurt?
but as i've let these people in-peer into my less-than-perfect self, i've been shown love. i can feel myself slowly and gradually being changed. make me more like you, jesus.

"to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. wrap it carefully round with hobbies and litle luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable....

we shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to him; throwing away all defensive armour. if our hearts need to be broken, and if he chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."
-c.s. lewis, four loves

convictions

the other day jenny was really upset about some drama going on between friends back home. she said a few choice words to describe what she was feeling, shortly followed by an apology to me for swearing. not that i like hearing those words, but i was quite un-bothered by what she said. and i was thinking about why this was...
if the same scenario had been played with the character of jenny being played by jodi, i realized that i would have been considerably bothered.
as a christian, i believe that i am held to a higher standard. when my unbelieving friends do things that my own conscience convicts me, i do cringe sometimes. but i think for a different reason than if one of my christian friends did the same thing. why? because my christians friends know the truth. they have the holy spirit to convict them.
i read this article yesterday about what a christian's response to an unbeliever's sin. by no means do i think that condoning their behavior is the answer, but neither do i think that there should be the expectation for them to act like a christian.
just something to think on...

all of the above

how do you feel after your first day at the hospital going through orientation?
a) scared
b) excited
c) overwhelmed
d) nervous
e) all of the above

hmmm...definitely e. all of the above.

my heart is run over

today seems difficult to articulate. good-but hard. laughter-but tears.
i liked this quote and feel like it describes the ongoing process that God has given me in new and old friendships this year. each one is a blessing.
"we cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. as in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over. so in a series of acts of kindness there is, at last, one which makes the heart run over." - james boswell

better with someone

i like doing things with other people. i would rather eat in the bon with friends than alone. i would rather watch movies with someone else than by myself. i would rather laugh with others than alone. many things are only improved upon in the company of someone else.

i hope it isn't misunderstood-i enjoy and even need time spent alone. there are even things i like better when i am able to do them by myself. but yesterday was full of "better-with-someone" moments.

as much fun as it was to have the apartment to myself during in-service week, i really enjoy living with my room-mates. there's something nice about getting up and sleepily greeting each other-just being. no expectations-we've seen each other made up and dressed up, and we've seen each other first thing in the morning.
i woke up earlier than intended after a late night of african food and house. but it was strangely comforting to stumble into the kitchen and gather up breakfast supplies-dancing around jodi's similar actions-slowly preparing for the day in much the same ways.

after a morning of homework and on-line tests, i met martha in the bon for lunch.
seeing friends.
eating together.
talking in accents.
making ourselves laugh at our own ridiculous antics.

the afternoon was spent in textbooks, but an end was soon in sight. despite my room-mates' disinterest, i wanted to see stardust at the cameo. not wanting to go by myself, i was resigned to see it after it came on video.













but at john's encouragement, i made the walk over to the theater. now while this technically would be considered to be an activity done alone, i *almost* felt like i was watching it with john. i already knew his opinion and feelings about the film. i could imagine his reaction to certain parts and completely agreed with his conclusions. and when it was finished, i got to have a nice long chat with that dear boy. i certainly do miss my brother.















martha called me. we were supposed to watch a movie with carrie that night, but carrie went home so we post-poned our movie date. but both of us left on campus were wishing for together-time anyway. so she made the trek over. we made popcorn. we ate a tasty chocolate bar with cocoa nibs-my new favorite. we missed people. we watched danny kaye in the inspector general. we laughed at his comical antics and singing. we watched the "film bloopers" which turned out to be the most unrelated random footage from the period. we watched sahara and laughed some more.
"well, it didn't REALLY work the first time."

i went to bed happy.

in stardust, yvaine asks tristan if he is tempted by immortality-
let's say it wasn't my heart. not me. just a star you didn't know.

you mean if i could have everlasting life? i imagine it would be kind of... lonely. but maybe if you had someone to share it with. someone you love.
















i have a feeling heaven is going to be FILLED with better-with-someone moments. forever. i can't wait.

and it ended with african food

today was full. it started early with my alarm going off at 6:17-quite unwelcome.
going to class.
alternating between paying attention and looking at the flashcards on my lap.
taking test #1.
studying with jodi.
taking test #2.
talking with daddy.
visiting IT and getting computer problems dealt with.
spending time with meagan and lacey.
shopping for dinner supplies with meagan, lacey and evan.
we split the long list up. meagan and i decided that we make up a good team. we practiced our critical thinking skills. =)
spending 4 hours making african food.
this was really fun. we tried several new recipes with lots of ingredients and steps. the results were quite gourmet but the process was the best. i didn't realize how much i'd missed cooking. it was quite the adventure with so many people in the small leshana kitchen, creating unknown dishes. lacey and i worked well making the sauce for the salmon that evan barbequed. plantain chips were fried and honey ice cream was created. delicious food with ingredients i'd never used before-the perfect end to a full day.

a few words...

here were just a few of the words that have been running around my head today. some are completely serious and are heart-felt, while others are just some of my silliness needing to come out. but they are all part of me-so here they are.

lit-er-al-ly (lit'erete'ly)- in a literal manner, or sense, exactly
so this word is the ONE word that i think deserves to be said with an english accent. americans pronounce the 'er' quite distinctly, but it rolls so smoothly otherwise. last night, i was lying in bed, trying to think of this word. it was bothering me all day, because i could not conjure up the singule word that warrants an accent. tonight martha said it, no accent, and i was quite pleased. when i hear it, i often practice saying it under my breath, with an english accent of course.

cheese (ch-ez)- a food made from the pressed curds of milk
last night, jenny created bubbles of thought on a photo of the four of us in hawaii. mine, since i appeared the most happy of all of us, contained the phrase, "cheese." as i looked at the picture, i realized that it was one of the most ironic things for me to be "thinking" since i don't think i have ever in my life uttered that word when my picture is being taken. while i am often compliant, there are certain things i am stubborn about, and this was one of them. i have always thought it silly to say this word in order to produce a smile. so i would quietly and stubbornly refuse each time.

gen-u-ine ('jenyooin)- truly what something is said to be; authentic
today's chapel speaker told his story. there were tears and harsh truth, but it was his story. he offered it with all the pain and joy that came with it, hoping that God would use it to help one of us. our staff went again tonight to hear him. it was what i needed to hear. even when people let you down and aren't all that you need, God is.
and then martha told her life story. this was the third time i'd heard it, but it was by far the best. even in the year i've known her, God has been working on her. there were tears and harsh truth, but it was her story. it was beautiful to see her genuine before us-her junk laid bare.
i think this will be a good year for our staff.

becoming

would you rather be loved and be forced to live apart from the one you love or
never know what it is to love and be loved in return?

i watched becoming jane tonight. i was prepared not to like it, but i was drawn in unexpectedly.
while the hero was a scoundrel, it was hard not to like him. i couldn't help but agree with anne shirley's statement that she would like her suitor to be a little wicked-or that he could be wicked and wouldn't.
and he was reformed by the end.












the contrast between the expectations for love and marriage of then and now were distinct. as easy as it is to laugh at speeches about the importance of a good match and the indispensable nature of money, it was more than just the value of that society. it was the reality-love wasn't enough to live off of. as much as i wanted the happy ending, it was a beautiful thing to witness the noble actions of the heroine, choosing the decent and unselfish thing, sacrificing a piece of her own happiness to do what was right. it made me cry a little. how different our society is-instead of rarely allowing love to live, the notion of love is embraced with great enthusiasm. we are appalled at the thought of being unable to be with the one you love, but in that idea, i feel that too much passes under the name of "love."

"jane should have not the man who offers the best price but the man she wants." sadly, circumstances do not always allow for what should happen. but her imagination seemed to allow her to make it through...
"my characters shall have, after a little trouble, all that they desire."

















"i think that you, miss austen, consider yourself a cut above the company."
"me?"
"you, ma'am. secretly."

shake your groove thing

tonight was the 70s dance. i am sweaty, tired and my feet hurt. but the last two hours were...well, groovy.
i finally got to wear the lucy-and-alison leather pants, and i did them credit, if i do say so myself.
lots of dancing. lots of crazy moves. and my favorite, lots of friends.