to love

through other people, chapel and even his word, God has been showing me the danger in holding back. being broken is often painful. i don't want people to look at me in my weakness. i don't want to let other people in. won't my heart hurt?
but as i've let these people in-peer into my less-than-perfect self, i've been shown love. i can feel myself slowly and gradually being changed. make me more like you, jesus.

"to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. wrap it carefully round with hobbies and litle luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable....

we shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to him; throwing away all defensive armour. if our hearts need to be broken, and if he chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."
-c.s. lewis, four loves