faith indeed

"trusting even when it appears you have been forsaken;
praying when it seems your words are simply entering a vast expanse where no one hears and no voice answers;
believing that God's love is complete and that he is aware of your circumstances, even when your world seems to grind on as if setting its own direction and not caring for life or moving one inch in response to your petitions;
desiring only what God's hands have planned for you;
waiting patiently while seemingly starving to death, with your only fear being that your faith might fail-
"this is the victory that has overcome the world";
this is genuine faith indeed."
-george macdonald

i'm pretty sure i would ruin my life if i tried to run it. i'm glad i'm not God.
but that doesn't mean that i like waiting.
and it certainly doesn't mean that trusting isn't one of the hardest lessons to learn.
because it is.
i'm clinging onto the familiar.
i hold tightly to my dreams.
my faith is small.

yet, this is my prayer:

so take me as you find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
i give my life to follow
everything i believe in
now i surrender
-mighty to save, hillsong