with another summer of weddings having started its no wonder that marriage has been on my mind. here's a few of the thoughts that have been floating around my head lately.
but first-
at the wedding last weekend, two things happened that involved boys. (i call them "boys" not because they are younger than me, but because i'm in the habit. no disrespect intended in regards to their age, etc.) i'll start with the one that amused me. one of the groosmen reminded me of a movie character, "riley" from national treasure. in my head and i must admit, even out loud i called him "riley." he had a good sense of humor and resembled the actor. i was disappointed to learn that "riley" was not his name. yet, at the rehearsal dinner, i couldn't help but loudly gasp when i learned his middle name was "riley!" maybe i'm silly and school-girlish, but this gave me no end of amusement for the weekend.
the second thing was i was able to tell that a guy (is label even any better? maybe i should ask a "member of the male sex" what they would prefer to be called...) liked me. honestly, i couldn't tell you one guy that has liked me. ever. i think i'm pretty clueless when it comes to stuff like that, but not this past weekend. he kept looking at me. he asked my dad how old i was. we made eye contact several times, and i felt like he wanted to come talk to me...or ask me to dance. he looked at me when the music started up, and yes, my mommy made note of that. yet, we went the whole weekend without ever talking. it probably didn't help that my brother was always at my side. (love ya john!) i left a little sad about his (and my!) shyness.
i'll stick this in quickly- here's a quote that i found and liked, even if it has little to do with my previous writings. =) it reminds me of how horrified i was at the unpredictable nature of driving when i was first learning. it also reminds me of the NEED to trust God, if we are all as problematic as suggested...
"love is as unproblematic as a vehicle. the only problems are the drivers, the passengers and the road." -franz kafka
sometimes i wonder if i'll ever get married. after all, i did just watch spiderman 2, and heard aunt may's advice to peter. "i believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. even our dreams." even though i don't agree that there is necessarily a "hero" that enables us to do these things, instead it is the holy spirit's power, i do think doing the right thing can mean giving up our dreams.
i know the desire to be married, to be a wife and mother, is within my heart, and God promises to fulfill the desires of our heart, when we delight in him, right? as simple as this sounds, i've already seen the desires of my heart been changed by him. i remember at the beginning of my freshman year thinking that i did NOT want to be a r.a. and wouldn't even consider it. yet, there i was turning in my application, having my heart changed enough to go through the interview process. during the period of waiting, i felt my heart grow with love and excitement for possible residents. i realized how disappointed i would be to not get the position. when i got my letter, i sat praying, my hands shaking to discover what God would have me do.
now, over a year later, as i prepare for my 2nd year in residence life, i can only praise him for leading me down the path i didn't want to go.
but first-
at the wedding last weekend, two things happened that involved boys. (i call them "boys" not because they are younger than me, but because i'm in the habit. no disrespect intended in regards to their age, etc.) i'll start with the one that amused me. one of the groosmen reminded me of a movie character, "riley" from national treasure. in my head and i must admit, even out loud i called him "riley." he had a good sense of humor and resembled the actor. i was disappointed to learn that "riley" was not his name. yet, at the rehearsal dinner, i couldn't help but loudly gasp when i learned his middle name was "riley!" maybe i'm silly and school-girlish, but this gave me no end of amusement for the weekend.
the second thing was i was able to tell that a guy (is label even any better? maybe i should ask a "member of the male sex" what they would prefer to be called...) liked me. honestly, i couldn't tell you one guy that has liked me. ever. i think i'm pretty clueless when it comes to stuff like that, but not this past weekend. he kept looking at me. he asked my dad how old i was. we made eye contact several times, and i felt like he wanted to come talk to me...or ask me to dance. he looked at me when the music started up, and yes, my mommy made note of that. yet, we went the whole weekend without ever talking. it probably didn't help that my brother was always at my side. (love ya john!) i left a little sad about his (and my!) shyness.
when running errands a few days ago, i bumped into a friend's mom. after a few questions, she asked me the question that i could tell she had been waiting to ask. was i seeing anyone? i told her no, to which she said she was very surprised. she was convinced i must be warding them all off. i laughed and told her that wasn't quite the case, but even then i don't think she believed me. part of me wishes that i didn't believe me either.
i'll stick this in quickly- here's a quote that i found and liked, even if it has little to do with my previous writings. =) it reminds me of how horrified i was at the unpredictable nature of driving when i was first learning. it also reminds me of the NEED to trust God, if we are all as problematic as suggested...
"love is as unproblematic as a vehicle. the only problems are the drivers, the passengers and the road." -franz kafka
sometimes i wonder if i'll ever get married. after all, i did just watch spiderman 2, and heard aunt may's advice to peter. "i believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. even our dreams." even though i don't agree that there is necessarily a "hero" that enables us to do these things, instead it is the holy spirit's power, i do think doing the right thing can mean giving up our dreams.i know the desire to be married, to be a wife and mother, is within my heart, and God promises to fulfill the desires of our heart, when we delight in him, right? as simple as this sounds, i've already seen the desires of my heart been changed by him. i remember at the beginning of my freshman year thinking that i did NOT want to be a r.a. and wouldn't even consider it. yet, there i was turning in my application, having my heart changed enough to go through the interview process. during the period of waiting, i felt my heart grow with love and excitement for possible residents. i realized how disappointed i would be to not get the position. when i got my letter, i sat praying, my hands shaking to discover what God would have me do.
now, over a year later, as i prepare for my 2nd year in residence life, i can only praise him for leading me down the path i didn't want to go.
as much as i would hate to give up my dream of marriage, i can't help but consider this to be a possibility. i've already seen this in my own life.
at the time, surrender is so hard.
so hard, but He always proves it to be worth the struggle to obey.
this is the chapter of my life called dreaming...and hoping my dreams are the same as His.
at the time, surrender is so hard.
so hard, but He always proves it to be worth the struggle to obey.
this is the chapter of my life called dreaming...and hoping my dreams are the same as His.
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