save me from myself

where do i come up with some of my ideas? sometimes i wonder...does God just laugh at what i come up with? how silly i can be?

when i pray for protection and safety, i almost always picture physical safety-but usually in the form of protection from a car crash, not always health or the use of my different senses. yet, i have been coming to realize that this is only one aspect of the protection God offers. he can protect more than just my physical body from harm. he is capable of guarding my emotions, my heart. he is able to save my spirit, my soul. but even with all this different kinds of protection, i usually think of them as protection from outside sources. yet i've come to realize something else...

i think sometimes he protects me from myself.

this last year, i had a crush on a guy. although i prayed for God's will if something were to happen, in my heart i hoped that my prayers would be for God's will when not just if something were to happen. maybe this isn't the best example, but it was important to me at the time. i know that God was protecting me, whether i liked it or not. this guy didn't pursue me, but if he had, i'm not entirely sure if i would have been as concerned with God's will as i would have been that what i wanted was actually happening. i know that i wouldn't have appreciated someone telling me that "God knows best" at the time, but now i am able to see his protection over me...even from myself.

this past week, i've been laying in bed, sicker than i've been in quite some time. i've been pushing myself at work, doing my best to finish well. i know that is what i was supposed to do, but i wonder if God is saving me from myself? armed with good intentions, i have been running for over 8-hour-shifts, wanting to end my job with the knowledge that i gave all that i could. yet, i've been exhausted and maybe even made myself sick because of it. i've missed 2 days of work, and could potentially miss my last day on the job if i don't regain my energy/strength/ability to run soon. while i'm not especially thrilled to have a pounding headache, the need to blow my nose every few minutes and barely enough energy to walk to the bathroom and back, it seems as though God does have a purpose in even this.

i guess my realization isn't so new. really, i'm just re-visiting the trust issue.
the struggle between what i think is best and what God knows to be best.
not merely trusting him with words,
but with my actions, my prayers and my thoughts.
trusting him to save me

even from myself.