potc 3-seriously?!?

let's make a movie, ok?
let's take a popular film with good actors and no plot and randomly strung together events which don't even make sense...
let's call it, pirates of the caribbean 3: at world's end...

i walked to the theater with john this afternoon to see a film i anticipated to be:
-somewhat funny with quotable lines
-slightly ridiculous
-slightly unsatisfactory

however, i found pirates to be:
-utterly unsatisfactory
-completely ridiculous and random
-mildly funny, but not enough to make up for the lack of conclusive anything, random events or the fate of will turner!

as the film started, i thought it was a bit strange, but it began to reach the half-way mark and nothing was changing with how the movie was progressing. soon i was laughing at all the wrong parts, because i was using laughter as my outlet for the ridiculousness of what i was viewing. i kept turning to john in disbelief, to whisper, "what in the world?" "what is going on?" "seriously?!?"

i felt like they asked a bunch of crazies what should be put in the movie and they threw it all in the film wherever it somewhat fit. this theory was somewhat confirmed when john and i returned home to read on the internet that the script hadn't even been completed when filming started. seriously!

as i think about all the random things that were put in this film, i can barely recognize its roots from the first film. (the following list is pretty much all spoilers...in case you still care to see this film)
-elizabeth as not merely a pirate lord, but the pirate king
-governor swann not merely dying, but floating around in a boat and talking to elizabeth
-tia dalma turns out to be not merely davy jones' lover (as if that weren't enough!) but the goddess, calypso who eventually is released from her human body and turns into crabs! (as john and i questioned later, "why did she turn into crabs?")

-the only explanation for barbossa being raised to life again was due to the fact that he was only dead
-multiple jack sparrows rule the screen and all of him-selves seem obsessed with eating peanuts, so much so that they are willing to kill the other jack sparrows to eat the single peanut (i wish i were joking!)
-norrington has a change of heart, right before he is stabbed by the only "good", but delusional character on davy jones' boat, will's daddy, and right after he kisses elizabeth. i guess its hard to be mad at him for this when he dies seconds later.
-the pirate council is crashed by jack sparrow's father, the keeper of the code. yes, it really exists in book form. and the dog arrives with the keys to the book, with the explanation that he escaped the cannibal island using sea turtles.
-we also learn that all that is left of jack's mother is her dead head which jack's father produces when jack asks about his mommy.
-will and elizabeth marry in the middle of a battle scene and manage to enjoy a looooong kiss without getting killed. but not for long...
-will is stabbed by davy jones. to keep him from dying completely, jack "valiantly" gives up his dream of living forever and helps will stab davy jones' heart, preventing his death...
-will must cut out his own heart and is destined to live 10 years at sea in exchange for one day on land.
-jack doesn't want elizabeth to witness the cutting of the heart, so he grabs hold of a rope to swing off the ship, which is attached to sails and part of the mast which floats them to the black pearl. talk about realistic.
-will spends 24 hours with elizabeth before heading out for his ten years...apparently they produce a son, which will meets for the first time ten years later. pathetic.

i liked what pluggedinonline.com had to say:
http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0003236.cfm
(emphasis is my own.)
"it's clear that...[the movie's creators] want this film to have more heroes, more villains and a bigger, splashier pirate sea battle than ever a bunch of landlubbing moviegoers saw before.
But as it's said onscreen, "There's a cost for what we want most." To set up all those special effects, the story gets pulverized."
"And as the messiness mounts, we begin to care less and less about where this aimless projectile of a movie is heading."

i also liked several of jack sparrow's lines as they applied to the film itself:
as it relates to the producers of this film:
"permit me to lend a machete to your intellectual thicket."
"...shoot him, cut out his tongue, then shoot his tongue! "
and my favorite:
"Up is down"? Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful." this whole film was maddening and very unhelpful in concluding any of the plot from the previous film.

seriously?!?

in the film, jack offers the advice, "pretend it's all a bad dream, that's how I survive."

maybe i'll do just that...